filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
