tell your sister to shave her snatch
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
