I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
