So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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