I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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