a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
