So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
