there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
