we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
