So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
