If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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