Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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