It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
