OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
