Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
