I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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