I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
