so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize