12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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