needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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