Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
