I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
