Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
