did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
