remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
