You're my little dorito
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
