Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
