I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And then he peed in my hair
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
