Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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