omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
