is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Randomize
