He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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