Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
