dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
