i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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