Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
