i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my being single is dangerous.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
