I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
