I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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