Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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