NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
