never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
