She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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