Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
