He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
