new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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