names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
