***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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