Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
