grandma shit on top of the toilet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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