Your tits are I can't wait for
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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