Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
