While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
