I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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