I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
