It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
