Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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