Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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