Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
