so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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