Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
