my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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