Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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