u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
