Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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