I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
