ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
