I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
