omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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