I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Still dying that you shit outside
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
