grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
