guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
