found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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