Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize