i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
