Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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