they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
