i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
