evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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