The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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