When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
