I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
