he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
