Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
