get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
