Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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