Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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