Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
