...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
