can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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