batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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