someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
