i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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