im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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