I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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